


Ruined

by Mallorysgirl



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, F/M, Friendship, Love, Secrets, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:13:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallorysgirl/pseuds/Mallorysgirl
Summary: It's a truth universally acknowledged that when one gives away ones virtue before fully securing her match, one is surely left for ruin.
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Colonel Fitzwilliam, Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy/Colonel Fitzwilliam, Fitzwilliam Darcy & Georgiana Darcy, Fitzwilliam Darcy/Colonel Fitzwilliam (Pride and Prejudice)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story at times features both Elizabeth and Darcy behaving out of character as I really liked the idea of how they would both react if they were faced with these difficult choices. I know this story might not be for everyone.

Chapter one

It's a truth universally acknowledged that when one gives away ones virtue before fully securing her match, one is surely left for ruin.

But she had been so sure of his feelings, he had proposed not once but twice. She had given into her desires and had allowed him to make her, his, before she had made him hers. But standing here in front of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennett soon realised that she had made a huge mistake.

"Elizabeth," he began nervously "I'm sorry but my aunt has made it quite clear that she won't support our union. She will shun the Darcy's in society and I must think of Georgiana's future, her standing,"

Anger rose through the tears that threatened to fall. "But my future and my standing can be thrown away so easily," she spat bitterly "You Mr Darcy have ruined me,"

Guilt rose through Fitzwilliam's stomach, flooding his senses. "No one need know what has passed between us Lizzie," he whispered

"I will know," she yelled. "The man I may one day marry will know on our wedding night," she said in more hushed tones " When there is no blood on the sheets,"

Mr Darcy looked down at the floor in shame. He had no excuses, he had no justification.

"You just can't muster the strength to fight for me," Elizabeth had always been a strong person, but at this moment she could feel her resolve begin to crumble. He instinctively tried to reach for her, to hold her but she quickly pulled away.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed "You lost the right to do that the moment you discarded me,"

Darcy retracted quickly looking ashamed.

"GET OUT!" Lizzie sharply turned away from him and stared out of the window.

"Lizzy, please," he begged "Don't let us leave it like this,"

Calmly turning to face him he felt both her cold tone and stare " This is not my doing Fitzwilliam, it is yours," His heart sank as hers broke and he quickly retreated from the room, leaving a devastated Elizabeth behind.

Jane watched Mr Darcy rush from the house and instinctively knew that something was wrong. Opening the door to the drawing room she found her sister crouched over on the floor sobbing. Fear rose through Jane, she couldn't imagine what Mr Darcy had done that could evoke such devastation from her sister.

"Lizzy, what ever is the matter?" she asked taking to the floor beside her sister. Lizzy threw herself into Jane's arms, sobs shaking through her body for the longest time. Jane held her for the longest time before her cries subsided to a soft sniffle and finally she was able to speak again.

"Mr Darcy has broken off our engagement,"

Jane's expression was one of surprise. "But I was sure that your heart belonged to Mr Darcy. He adores you"

"Apparently not,"

"I'm there must be some sort of misunderstanding,"

"No Jane," Lizzy began composing herself "He has broken my heart and I fear I shall never get over it,"

Autumn began to move into winter and Jane's wedding was fast approaching. As was her inevitable meeting with Mr Darcy. The thought was turning her stomach. It had only been six weeks since he had broken her heart. Only two months since he had taken her innocence and made her a woman. She was determined not let him see her broken. She would face him with all the strength and dignity she could muster, even if she felt like she was dying inside.

"Lizzy! Lizzy!" she could hear her mother's squawking from downstairs "Girl where are you?"

Internally sighing she descended the stairs in search of Mrs Bennett. Her mother had taken the termination of her engagement nearly as bad as she had. Mrs Bennett had spent most of the season cursing the moment Fitzwilliam Darcy ever graced the streets of Meryton, the Halls of Netherfield and heart of her second daughter. She had called him a scoundrel, a cad, a wretched man who had treated her daughter very ill indeed.

"My poor dear Lizzy," her mother began "Have you heard the news that Mr Bingley has insisted that, that wretched man be present at his and Jane's wedding. He has no regard for my feelings… or yours for that matter,"

"I am well aware that Mr Darcy will be there Mama," Lizzy sighed. She wanted to discuss her ex fiancé as little as possible.

"I told Jane that it shall take all my strength not to tell that man exactly what I think of him," Mrs Bennett wasn't ready to let up on her onslaught of Mr Darcy "I have never trusted him, not from the moment we met him. He slighted you then Lizzy, even with his ten thousand a year he was not a good match,"

"Madam please…" Lizzy begged "…I will never get over Mr Darcy if we constantly speak of him. I will bear the pain of seeing him again for Jane and Jane alone. Then I will do everything in my power to never set eyes on him again," Turning on her heal Lizzy left the conversation before her mother had time to protest. Ascending the stairs she felt her stomach lurch and the urgent need to empty the contents of her stomach. Reaching her room just in time she grabbed the chamber pot and wretched up everything she had eaten that morning.

"I must be more nervous than I thought," She told herself, two more days until the happiest day of Jane's life and she was dreading it.

The morning of Jane's wedding should have been a happy one, but for Elizabeth it was the most dreadful day of my life. Waking up with a nauseous feeling, the day was only ever going to go from bad to worse.

She wanted to be happy for her sister, but all she could think was that she was never going to be happy again. Lizzy tried everything she could to look busy while her sisters helped Mrs Hill dress Jane. She did feel guilty for not sharing the laughter but it really was too much to bear.

Sitting at the table in kitchen she made her way through another one of the cooking apples sitting in the basket. "Miss Elizabeth," Cook scolded, "Those are cooking apples, you'll give yourself a belly ache,"

Elizabeth shrugged; the need for them outweighed any stomach ache she might get. Besides if she was ill she could leave Netherfield early and not have to be in Mr Darcy's presence any longer than she needed to endure. Reaching for the pot in front of her she coated the apple in its sticky contents. "What on earth are you doing?" Cook enquired with a shocked yet bemused look upon her face "Is that Marmalade?"

Lizzy nodded "It is,"

"My girl you will be sick," Cook announced shaking her head "Why don't you go and get ready for the wedding. I'm sure Jane would appreciate some help,"

Sighing Lizzy put down her apple and headed for the door. Cook was right she needed to push aside her jealously and be happy for her sister.

The ceremony was perfect and Jane looked beautiful, just as Lizzy knew she would. Jane's dress was simple in design but made her look so elegant, so regal! Not a fallen woman like Elizabeth. She would never look that beautiful, that elegant, and that innocent.

She had spent most of the day trying her best to avoid Mr Darcy. It hadn't been easy; he had tried to approach her several times. Every time he made a beeline for her she disappeared around a corner or grabbed hold of the nearest guest. She had to admit; she loved the hurt and angry look on his face every time she danced with another man.

It made her sad though, thinking that no other man would ever want her once they knew what she was. She was ruined, she was damaged and she was broken. Closing her eyes she could still feel his breath on her skin. She could still feel his soft kisses tingling on her neck. His hands under her skirts, fingers trailing up her thighs. He stroked her so intimately, that she couldn't help but push herself into his touch. He had taken his time with her, bringing her pleasure several times before claiming his own. She expected it to hurt, she had heard the horror stories from married friends and of course her mother had made comments that this act of intimacy between man and wife was only pleasurable for the gentleman. But it hadn't been like that with Darcy. It had stung briefly as he took his place inside her body, but soon after that pain was replaced with immense pleasure that she would have spent an eternity chasing to come close to that completion.

She was pulled from her thoughts by his presence. "Elizabeth," he whispered. His eyes filled with admiration when theirs met. She made to leave but he caught her hand "Please Lizzy," he begged "I needed to speak to you, I needed to see you one more time,"

"Why?" she asked sharply. She stared at him with defiance burning through her sole.

A small smile reached his lips as he nervously answered, "I have missed you,"

Elizabeth's anger had been slowly simmering throughout the day, building gradually until it reached this point. His words took her over the edge. All her pain, all her heartbreak and all the fears she felt cultivated into this one moment. He hadn't seen the slap coming! Lizzy hadn't planned it, but in that moment she wanted to cause him some pain.

He let go of her and clutched his stinging cheek in surprise. Shock etched across his features, he could feel his eyes pooling. Pulling back his emotions his face became like stone. "Forgive me Miss Bennett. I won't delay you any further," With that he turned on his heal and quickly walked away.

Lizzy stood frozen to the spot; she let out a silent cry as she dropped to the floor. How had he made her feel terrible about his behaviour? This pain was unbearable, all consuming. She needed an escape from it. Drying her eyes, she composed herself and headed back to the party. Spying a waiter handing out champagne, she strode over and grabbed the bottle off the tray. "Miss," he called after her in surprise.

"Thank you," she called out.

'If I'm going to have to live with the consequences of being a fallen women, I might as well have some fun becoming one' she thought to herself with determination, before heading into the gardens.


	2. Chapter two

Chapter Two

The evening had a sharp chill in the air, but Lizzy did not feel it, the champagne was keeping her warm. Raising the bottle to her lips she sipped more of the bubbly liquid, her limbs had started to feel heavier, yet she had begun to feel lightheaded. 

Stumbling further away from the house, she ventured through the gardens towards the river that ran on the edge of Netherfield. Making a slight run down the embankment, squealing as her feet ran away with her. Stopping just before she hit the water, she dropped to the floor and sat crossed legged on the damp ground. Looking down at herself she smirked, shaking her head. She knew that the moment she stood up the back of her pretty dress would be covered in mud, most noticeably, her backside. She would look a sight. Far from the gentlewoman they all thought she was. But in this moment, she really did not care!

Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Three months ago, she had everything she had ever wanted, her whole future had been mapped out in front of her. Smiling sadly at the thought of such a bright and happy future, she had envisioned it so clearly. Married to the man she loved, two or three small children running around, each the image of their father. She had imagined growing old with her Fitzwilliam, watching their children marry and have their own families, them subsequently becoming grandmama and grandpapa. But now it would only ever be a dream, a memory for another lifetime. She furiously wiped away the tears that were quickly falling down her face. 

Damn him! 

Damn him to hell!

Thinking back to the time when she first met Fitzwilliam Darcy, she had found him a most disagreeable man. She had thought him rude and arrogant for slighting her at the Meryton ball. But as time passed, she had found herself falling in love with the sweet and honourable man that she come to know, or thought she knew.

Now what was to become of her?

“Miss Bennet?” she heard a voice question. 

Turning her head, she tried in vain to hide her distress but failed. “Colonel Fitzwilliam,” Lizzy greeted him with a smile that nowhere near reached her eyes. 

“Miss Bennet whatever is the matter,” he asked concerned. 

“Nothing,” she lied “I’m fine really,”

“No, you’re not,” he observed “You are quite clearly upset,” 

Taking a large swig from the bottle, Lizzy shrugged away his concern “Honestly I think I’ve just had too much to drink and the emotions of the day have just caught up with me,”

He looked at her dubiously “This is about my fool of a cousin isn’t it?”

Unable to hold her feelings in any longer Lizzy choked out an almighty sob before dissolving into tears.

“Miss Bennet?” he questioned sitting down and scooting closer to her until his arm was around her shoulder and she had turned her body into him. Clutching at his shirt, she clung to him not caring how improper it looked to the casual observer.

Colonel Fitzwilliam was not sure how to react. It wasn’t every day a man had a hysterical woman crying in his arms, he wasn’t prepared for this. It didn’t seem to matter how much he tried to sooth her, she just seemed to cry harder. After a few minutes Lizzy pulled back “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I’m being rather improper,” Trying to compose herself she pulled out of the embrace and dried her eyes. “What you must think of me?”

Smiling sadly at her, the Colonel had great sympathy for her. He along with everybody else knew what had transpired between his cousin and Miss Elizabeth. He felt all eyes on the second eldest Bennet sister the minute she walked into the church that afternoon, and again when they retired back to Netherfield Park. He had heard the whispers; the pitying looks and the conspiracy theories on why the young couple had separated. If he had noticed then he was in no doubt that she had too.

“Don’t worry Miss Bennet,” he assured her “It is only natural that you would be distressed. I know that the last few months have been….difficult,” he let the word hang in the air knowing that it nowhere near described the colossal mess that had been left behind.

“You mean since Fitzwilliam discarded me?” she answered bitterly taking another swig from the champagne bottle.

“Maybe you have had enough,” he observed trying to take the bottle from her. She pulled back making sure it was out of his reach. 

“No sir,” she protested “I haven’t had anywhere near enough,”

“Elizabeth,” he scolded, surprising her by using her Christian name. It was normal for him to address her as Miss Bennet but on this particular occassion he was more familiar. His tone was reminiscent of his cousin’s and she felt a pang of heartache once more. She definitely wouldn’t giving up the bottle now.

“Sir I might as well drink myself into oblivion,” she sighed tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to fall “It’s not like I have anything else,”

“I love my cousin dearly, but he really is not worth your tears,” he replied taking the bottle from her before she had time to protest. He himself then took a large swig from it “This!” he indicated to the bottle in his hand “Will not help. You are a beautiful woman Miss Bennet and I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will meet someone worthy of you,”

“I doubt that!” she laughed cynically “No one will want me after this. He made sure of that,”

“What do you that mean?” he inquired surprised by her words.

“Dance with me?” Lizzy requested quickly changing the subject.

“What?” the Colonel asked surprised, looking at her like she had grown two heads.

“Oh, come on,” she grinned standing up, trying to pull him to his feet “Haven’t you ever danced with a lady before?” 

Standing Colonel Fitzwilliam eyed her with amusement “Not of a riverbank where it’s cold and dark minus a chaperon. People will talk,”

“Let them,” she answered casually “I’ll give them plenty to talk about in a few months’ time,” 

Reality quickly hit him, and he grabbed her forearms to shake her gently, forcing her to look up into his eyes. “What does that mean?” She turned from his gaze, gently biting her lip as tears rolled down her cheeks “Elizabeth, Are you with child?” He knew the answer before he asked it, but the dreaded nod of her head still came as a shock.

“You anticipated your vows?” he asked in disbelief. Keeping her head turned away from him she reddened from the question and nodded sadly.

“Does he know?”

Looking up at him shamefully she shook her head.

“Well don’t you think he should?” he looked at her pointedly.

Lizzy pulled out of his grasp “No sir I do not,” She moved further toward the river, away from him.

“Elizabeth,” he implored following her “He needs to know, he has to take responsibility before it’s too late. Before….”

“Before I have his bastard?” It was a rhetorical question “Before my family and I are ruined?”

“Yes!” he answered harshly “Do you not see, now he has to stand up to our family. No matter what threats they make,”

“I don’t want him out of obligation,” she spat shaking her head “I’d rather him not know,”

Sighing he rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands in frustration. “But as you said, in a few months’ time everyone will know,” 

“Maybe not,” she whispered into the darkness “Maybe I can find a way of making my little problem go away,”

“Elizabeth,” he growled “I hope you are not considering what I think you are. It’s a sin,”

“I’ve already sinned, what’s one more,” she replied trying her hardest to sound nonchalant. However inside she felt anything but. She needed to protect her heart even as it was betraying her, maintain the wall she had put up to hide her emotions and keep herself sane.

“There are too many risks,” he said grabbing at her arm and making her turn towards him. “If you are not caught in the act and tried, you will most likely die. Either way your family and friends will be left with the devastation,”

“THEN WHAT’S MY ALTERNATIVE?” she cried “I’M DESPERATE! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!”

“Tell Darcy,” he replied stressing his earlier answer again.

“I can’t,” she cried “I won’t,” 

“Elizabeth,” he began sternly “He has a right to know,”

“Does he?” she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. After everything that man had done to her. After all the pain and anguish he had caused by getting under her skin. Making her fall in love with him, making her desire him, need him, ache for him. Then when he had become her world, he had snatched it all away. Leaving her alone and vulnerable. In her eyes he didn’t have any rights.

“Yes,” Richard insisted “Tell him……or I will!”

“What?” she gasped horrified at his threat.

“I mean it Elizabeth,” he stood firm “You cannot expect me to keep such an enormous secret from my cousin,”

“Richard please,” she begged grabbing his hands. “I’m pleading with you sir; I need your help. He can never know,” He pulled his hands out of her grasp. He looked at her with such disappointment and she was sure that there was also a hint of disgust mixed in there too. It would not be long until everyone looked at her the same way. It was all so hopeless!

“Fine,” she yelled as he began to take his leave back towards the house “Tell him! It won’t matter, I won’t be here anyway,”

The colonel stopped turning around quickly to find the young lady climbing up into the branches of the nearest tree.

“What are you doing Miss Bennet?” he questioned heaving a sigh. He watched as she crawled across one of the branches that put her high above the water. She did not answer him, just tentatively rose to stand on the branch. She stretched her arms out in front of her and her body wobbled in an attempt to gain her balance high above the ground.

“Elizabeth,” he cried concerned “Please get down from there, you could get seriously hurt,” But she did not listen, she just stood still looking down at the inviting water below. 

“Things would be so much simpler if I wasn’t here anymore,” she said through tears.

“Elizabeth,” 

“I wish it would all just go away,” she sobbed “I have always had to be the strong one. Even as a child, everyone just expected me to pick myself up and dust myself off when I was hurt. I thought I was strong but maybe I’m not,” 

“You are strong,” Richard tried to reassure her “I know you’re scared but this isn’t the way. We’ll find another way,” 

“I can’t tell him,” 

“Elizabeth please…” Richard beseeched “You need to come down, very slowly,”

“I can’t,” she cried “If I come down then I will have to face what’s happening,” she looked out at the river below her, the water was travelling at speed, a lot like her mind and she couldn’t keep up with either. “You know when I was a child I always wanted to fly. To be free as a bird with nothing and no one tying me down. Do you think I could fly now?” Letting go of the branch she was holding she made her way closer to the edge.

“Lizzy,” she heard the Colonel softly call from below. He sounded so far away; she could hear the pain in his voice as he begged her to come down once more. She thought about everything she would miss, about everyone she loved. Tears began to trickle down her face, she was exhausted. Hiding this secret had taken its toll on her and she could not carry on as she was. The thought of shaming her family, the idea of ruining her sisters was prompting her on to do the one thing that really frightened her.   
“Tell… tell,” she was shaking “Tell Mama and Papa I’m sorry, tell them I….I love them,” Dissolving into sobs she closed her eyes and let herself free fall. 

Then everything seemed to happen in slow motion as her scream echoed through the air. The water was freezing as her small body hit it. Her skin stung from the impact and the sound ricocheted around the grounds. Initially as she went under the icy cold water, the unknown simply terrified her into survival mode. But soon a calmness overwhelmed her, and it was as if she had accepted her fate. Flashes of moments flooded her brain and her story began to play out in her mind. Mama and Papa younger and happy, while she no more than a small child chasing after Mary and Kitty while Lydia slept in her mother’s arms. Flashing forward to a few years later, Samuel Lucas lying on the ground, standing above him satisfied that he would never tease Jane again after the punch that Lizzy had delivered him.

The calmness made her tired and she felt sleepy. She saw her first meeting with Mr Darcy play out again in her mind. 

‘She is tolerable I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me,’

Her heart constricted; she didn’t feel much as the water began to fill her lungs but the pain of his words kept her from feeling truly numb.

‘Had he never thought she’d been good enough for him?’

Now she would never have, the opportunity to ask him.

‘Dearest loveliest Elizabeth,’

Even as she was dying, he still would not give her peace. 

‘God!’ she prayed ‘Please make this quick,”

A strange, final type of sleep began to overtake her, and her body felt warm on the inside. But as quickly it had begun to spread, it just as abruptly disappeared. She felt herself being pulled back harshly, the unknown once again taking hold.

As the Colonel reached the surface once more, he gasped for breath. Holding Elizabeth close he made his way towards the embankment. His arms and legs burnt with exhaustion. Several times he had had to dive under the surface to try and locate her.

She had fallen so quickly that it took him a few seconds to react. He had initially expected her to resurface but after a few moments he realised that this would not be the case and leaped into action. 

Quickly discarding his outer layers, leaving the Colonel in just his breeches and shirt he jumped into the river after her. The water was a shock to his system, and he was momentarily pulled away by the current. With all his might, he fought against the water and swan back towards where he had seen Elizabeth go under.

“Elizabeth!” 

There was no answer!

Taking a deep breath, he ventured back below the surface. In the darkness he could see little and began to panic as his mind and body pushed him back above water to catch his breath. 

“ELIZABETH!” he yelled, desperate to hear her call out. But still there was nothing, no sound.

Repeating his earlier action, the Colonel took in another deep breath and pushed himself back below water. Finally managing to venture further below the surface the sight that awaited him would haunt him until his dying day. Eyes closed, she floated through the water looking like a water angel and in that moment, he thought she was dead. Adrenalin coursing through his veins he swam towards her with speed, before pulling her up to the surface. 

He managed with great difficulty to drag her up onto the embankment and laid her down. She was freezing, her skin pale and her body lifeless. Kneeling beside her he could not feel her breath and dread filled him. Panicked he was not quite sure what to do. Then he remembered previously seeing another soldier bring someone back to life using a slightly unorthodox method called breath blowing. Crouching over Elizabeth he lent down and pinched her nose and put his mouth over hers. Blowing air into her mouth he prayed that this would work. Pulling back, he looked for any signs of movement, but there were none. Determined not to give up, he bowed his head and began once more.

He knew that some found the practice controversial, believing that it served no real purpose or results. But he had seen a miracle with his own eyes once before and was praying for another this evening. 

Beginning to grow tired and losing hope, he had no idea how on earth he was going to break the devastating news to her parents. He felt her gasp as he pulled back and she began coughing and spluttering violently. The Colonel thanked god as he let out a sigh, relief filling his body. Pulling her up into a sitting position, he tried to calm her as she gasped for more air. 

“Breathe slowly Miss Elizabeth,” he soothed “I promise all will be well,”

*************************

Darcy stood in the great ballroom at Netherfield, desperately wishing he were anywhere but here.

Between trying to avoid Miss Bingley’s persistent attentions and the dirty looks and whispers being shot in at him by the occupants of most of Meryton, he really had had enough for one evening. He understood why the local population eyed him with disgust. Every time he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw it too.

He felt it when he watched her enter the church earlier. She looked a shadow of her former self. The confident, bright, self-assured gentlewoman he came to love was gone, and in her place stood this shy, reserved, nervous and broken girl. 

His heart ached! He had caused that!

He missed her so much, that sometimes it was hard to catch his breath. She was like the air he breathed; without her he did not work. The world just did not make sense and he really didn’t want to be in it without her. 

He had not just broken her heart the day he broke their engagement, he had broken his as well. As he walked away, he could hear her sobs and it took everything inside him, not to run back and gather her into his arms. He remembered the heated conversation he had had with her father in Bingley’s study at Netherfield Park later that day.

The man had understandably been angry, more than angry. He ranted and raved, threatened to sue and had even made the comment that if he were twenty years younger Darcy would have been fighting for his life, after what he had done to his Lizzy. 

Darcy assured him that Elizabeth would be cared for financially for the rest of her life. She would still have an annual income and he had even purchased a property in her name. He may not be able to have her in his life, but he would always find a way to look after her. 

He had hoped that this would have partially appeased Mr Bennet, but from the colour the elder gentleman had turned he had clearly been mistaken. He had accused him of trying to buy his daughter and as his face grew from red to deep purple Darcy realised that there really was no reasoning with the man. 

“I will not let my daughter become your mistress!” her father bellowed. ‘She is worth so much more than that,”

“Agreed!” Darcy responded with conviction “Mr Bennet, just because I cannot marry your daughter does not mean that I do love her with all my heart. Circumstances beyond my control will keep us apart and I wish desperately that I could reveal this to both you and Elizabeth,”

Stopping briefly to regain control of his emotions he continued “I am not for one moment suggesting Elizabeth becomes my mistress. I love her too much to think that little of her. She deserves the world, and I will do everything in my power to give it to her, even if I cannot be with her. But I promise you that once this settlement is completed, I will disappear from her life for good. My presence will be painful for both of us,”

Mr Bennet had tried to press for his reasons for such an unexpected turn of events, but he was insistent that he could not tell anyone. 

Georgiana’s happiness depended upon the sacrifice of his own. Whispers of what had occurred in Ramsgate between his sister and Wickham had found it’s way back to his aunt and Lady Catherine had threatened to ruin them.

“End your engagement to the Bennet girl or I will expose Georgiana’s disgrace,” his aunt had threatened.

He had argued with her for days, threats and accusations being thrown back and forth by both parties. He had reminded her that if she exposed Georgiana’s secret the Fitzwilliam and de Bourgh families would be damaged as well as the Darcy’s. He had threatened to disown the family, to withdraw his funds and support from several lucrative ventures. He told her again and again that her endless obsession with this supposed betrothal was hers and hers alone. Both himself and Anne had made it perfectly clear on numerous occasions that neither of them wanted to marry. There had never been any romantic affection between them. She would always be little Annie, who used run after him and Richard, complaining she was not big enough to climb trees. And he would always be Cousin Fitz who used to hoist her up into the branches and push her over in the mud. 

Lady Catherine did not seem to grasp this, it didn’t fit into her plans, so she seemed completely unphased by his reasonings and arguments. Her relentless fixation was unhealthy and the knowledge that she would destroy anyone who got in the way of her goal, including sacrificing her innocent niece concluded that she was truly mad. 

Darcy knew enough of the world to know that mad could never be reasoned with. That mad was truly dangerous and that for the time being he would have to forgo his own happiness to protect those he loved. 

That included Elizabeth. 

If his aunt was capable of self-ruin, because of avenging Darcy not ‘toeing the line’, she was also more than capable of finding a way to hurt Elizabeth and her family. Even more than he was doing now.

But he would not give up! His plan was to help secure Georgiana a successful match and then fight with all his might to win Elizabeth back. Even if that meant begging on his knees and explaining this whole sorry saga to her. If Elizabeth then refused him he would get seek his revenge on Lady Catherine, making her pay for the pain she had caused.

He wondered how much longer he would have to suffer this reception before it was acceptable for him to retire for the evening. Caroline Bingley had been running around after him with platitudes of flattery and making snide comments upon the local inhabitants for hours now, and he was coming quite bored of it. At some point during his musings Mr and Mrs Bingley had engaged him in conversation. But all he could muster was the occasional nod of the head to seem interested in whatever topic they were discussing. It was not hard really, Charles was excitable at the best of times and could talk enough for both of them, without even noticing that Darcy wasn’t participating in the conversation. His new wife seemed to notice that his mind was elsewhere and smiled sadly at him. She had been the only one of the Bennet’s that had not treated him like he was the devil. Her loyalty understandably was to her sister, but she had never shown any sort of anger or resentment to him. She seemed genuinely concerned about him. Charles was right, her sweet and gentle disposition really did make her an angle.

He was pulled back to reality but the former Miss Bennet when he heard Jane gasp loudly.

“Lizzy?” 

Whipping his head around in double quick time he was momentarily dumbstruck by the scene unfolding in front of him. A small crowd was gathering as he watched his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam appear from outside and stride through the middle of the ballroom soaking wet with Elizabeth in his arms. 

“Oh… Lizzy…my girl,” Mrs Bennet wept “Colonel, what happened?” 

“I found her in the water,” he answered manoeuvring around the crowd toward the staircase “Bingley Miss Bennet needs to rest,”

“Of course,” Bingley agreed following “I will show you to one of the guest rooms,”. Darcy watched Mr and Mrs Bennet and the new Mrs Bingley follow them out of the room. He made after them but was stopped abruptly.

“My daughter is no longer your concern Mr Darcy,” Mrs Bennet shrilled, making the gentleman wince “You will do well to remember that”

Turning on her heel she quickly ascended the stairs leaving him to watch the party disappear. 

“Well it seems that the entertainment that was booked for the evening has finally arrived,” Miss Bingley quipped smirking gleefully “The Bennet’s really know how to put on a show,”

“WHAT!” Mr Darcy snapped looming over her, eyes dark with anger “Keep your nasty comments to yourself from now on Miss Bingley, it rather unattractive and makes you look bitter,” 

Suitably chastised Caroline looked down at the floor tears filling her eyes as her lower lip wobbled, she kept her head down until Mr Darcy left her company and head up the staircase. He reached the top of the stairs and spotted Richard entering a room further down the corridor still carrying Elizabeth protectively in his arms. A flash of jealously hit him, Elizabeth had clung to him like a life raft, holding on as tight as she could feeling safe in his arms. He felt a heel being jealous of his cousin when Elizabeth could be seriously hurt. He started towards the door, he knew his presence would not be welcomed but they would have to physically removing him from the room if needs be, he was not leaving until he was sure she was alright.

Mr Bingley opened the door to one of the guest bedrooms and motioned the colonel in, gesturing for him to place Elizabeth next to fireplace. Elizabeth clung on to him tightly, reluctant to remove her arms from around his neck. Finally, after a look passed between them and Elizabeth let go. 

Mrs Bennet strode past the gentleman, taking charge as she went “She needs to change, her dress is soaked through,” Elizabeth heard the concern in her mother’s voice and was surprised. As her least favourite daughter, Lizzy was more used to her criticism rather than her concern.

“Someone needs to call for the doctor,” Lizzy heard her new brother say.

“No!” Lizzy responded distressed. She had startled the rest of the room and silently pleaded with the colonel for help.

“Maybe all Miss Bennet needs is some rest,” he offered “Warm clothes and a warm bed is probably the best course of action at present,”

Sensing her mother’s doubt, Elizabeth pressed further “Please Mama, I really don’t want to make a fuss. This is Jane’s day not mine,”

Mr Bennet sensed the sadness in Elizabeth’s voice and stepped forward, placing a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Let her get some rest Fanny,” he gave her a squeeze “We can come back and check on Lizzy later,”

“But she needs help to change,” Mrs Bennet replied, “She will catch her death if she stays as she is,”

“I will help Lizzy,” Aunt Gardiner offered from the doorway “Jane should be downstairs entertaining her guests,” 

Looking up at her aunt warmly, Lizzy appreciated her presence. She was starting to feel uncomfortable with so many eyes focused on her. If it were just her aunt attending to her she would not feel so foolish and insecure. 

Suddenly she noticed another figure standing behind her aunt and she gasped, her eyes widening. They met with those of Mr Darcy briefly, before she looked away and bit her lip. The colonel noticed her distress and another look past between himself and Elizabeth. This did not go unnoticed by Darcy and he looked at the colonel suspiciously. 

The occupants of the room quickly noticed that Elizabeth was becoming anxious and they all turned and followed her line of sight.

“I…I do not wish to see him Papa,” she whispered, “Please make him leave,”

“Elizabeth…. please,” 

Rising from where he was kneeling in front of his daughter, Mr Bennet made his way over to the man he held responsible for her suffering “You heard the lady, I think it’s time that you left,”

“I am here to enquire about how she is feeling. I only want to check on her welfare,”

“You claim to be concerned about my daughter’s welfare,” Mr Bennet shook his head in disbelief. Squaring his shoulders and stand as tall has he could, the room noticed that he was calling Mr Darcy out of his behaviour and gallantly defending his daughter. As he made a step towards the younger man, the colonel stepped between them to defuse the situation

“May I suggest we take this conversation outside,” the colonel looked at both gentlemen pointedly. 

The occupants left Mrs Gardiner to tend to her niece, while Jane went in search of her trunk that had been luckily transported from Longbourn early that morning. Her shifts would be a little on the long side for Lizzy, her sister’s frame being much petite than hers. But under the circumstances they would do nicely. 

Back in the corridor Bingley and the Colonel Fitzwilliam had successfully calmed the situation down. Currently Mrs Bennet was throwing daggers at Mr Darcy with her eyes, while her husband asked “What happened outside Colonel? How on earth did my Lizzy end up in the river?”

“I’m afraid I cannot shed any light on the subject, I was not with her at the time,” 

Richard was lying and Darcy was sure of it. Ever since they were small children Richard had a way of showing his hand. He could fool the rest of the world but not his cousin. What always gave him away was how he would use the index finger on his right hand to scratch his thumb over and over as he spoke.

“I heard someone screaming from the water as I walked along the bank, they were struggling to stay above the surface so I jumped in,” he informed them “It wasn’t until I pulled them back onto the embankment that I realised it was Miss Bennet,” 

Darcy eyed him again suspiciously, he was doing that thing with his fingers again. “What were you doing down by the riverbank?” 

The colonel looked at Darcy surprised at the question at such a time. He would have expected him to focus more on Elizabeth. “I had had too much to drink and went to get some air,”

“We owe you a debt of gratitude dear colonel,” Mrs Bennet praised “Our Lizzy would have surely perished without your assistance,”

“Honestly, Madam,” Richard blushed “I am only glad that I was in the vicinity and was able to act quickly,”

“Nonsense sir,” Mr Bennet cut in, shaking the younger fellow’s hand “My wife is right for once…” The older gentleman eyed his wife mockingly with affection “…thank you, my Lizzy is everything to me. I don’t think I would survive losing her,”

‘Me neither,’ Darcy thought. 

However, he chose not to voice it in fear of vexing Mrs Bennet. He had had enough of her dirty looks and biting comments this evening. All he really wanted was to go to Elizabeth, hold her in his arms and thank god that she was alright. That was not likely to happen though, he saw the luck of horror on her face when she noticed him. He saw the sadness etched upon her beautiful features and he knew he had caused that. He also saw fear, fear of what he could not quite place, but he had noticed that she had quickly turned her gaze to Richard and that puzzled him. Something strange was going on and he would find out what, one way or another.

******************

Elizabeth heard the door creak quietly as someone entered her room. She had been forced by her parents and new brother to stay the night here at Netherfield Park. She could not think of anything worse. 

The last time she had been here she and Fitzwilliam had conceived the child currently growing in her belly. She had felt the quickening a couple of days ago and now she was certain that she was indeed with child. When she missed two of her courses in the months following her liaison, she had been in denial. She told herself it must have been due to stress. She had had to deal with so much heartbreak in such a small amount of time, it was bound to throw her body out of sync. Then the nausea began which was quickly followed by actual vomiting, but again she put that down to the emotional upheaval what had recently transpired. She was heartbroken after all, her heart ached for him, of course she was not going to feel right.

When the cravings began, she could not deny it to herself anymore. Waking at three o’clock in the morning desperate for marmalade, being unable to sleep until she had found some. She hated marmalade.

Tonight, was however the first time she had admitted it to another person though. That made it feel so much more real. She had not even told Jane or her aunt, yet the colonel had managed to obtain the truth from her with little effort. 

She still feared him telling Mr Darcy though, he was after all his cousin and his loyalty should lie with him. She was unsure how he would react to the news. Would he blame her somehow? Would he think that she had done this to trap him? He thought so little of her already. Being here did not help, knowing that he was only down the hall both frightened and excited her.

She was ashamed that she still loved him, she could not imagine ever stopping. He would be forever ingrained in her heart, mind, body and soul. The sad reality of it was that if he knocked the door tonight and entered her bed chamber, she would not refuse him. Even after all the heart ache she wanted him. She wanted to feel him on top of her once more, kissing her, caressing her…simply loving her. 

The truth was that even if she were not with child, there would never be another man for her. Having taken both her heart and her virtue, no other man would ever be able to compete. 

She hated the idea that tomorrow in the cold light of day she would have to face him. She could leave at first light, but that would insult her sister and new brother. She also needed to try and find a moment alone with Colonel Fitzwilliam. She needed to thank him for risking his own safety by going into the water after her. She was apprehensive about the conversation that they must have. If she could not convince him to keep her secret, she would have to flee Longbourn and start again on her own. The disgrace of everyone knowing would be too much for her and her family to bare.

She propped herself up on the pillows as the door closed behind the figure that had entered and for a moment, she had regretted her earlier thoughts of Mr Darcy entering her bed chamber. As they came closer, she realised that it was in fact the colonel himself who had entered.

She went to speak but he motioned with a finger to his lips indicating the need to be quiet. Tentatively he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her uneasy. “How are you feeling Miss Bennet?”

“Better, thank you,” she whispered “As you have appeared in my chambers at such an hour, we can forgo the formalities. Elizabeth or Lizzy is fine,” she smiled fleetingly.

“I know this is inappropriate but I had to make sure that you were well,” he responded earnestly “For a short time this evening I thought I had lost you to that water,” his eyes left her and dropped to a spot of the bed “I feared that I would have to give your parents the gravest of news,”

She touched his hand gently and he looked up at her sadly “I am sorry that I put you in that position. But I was desperate sir, I still am,”

“It is something that you may attempt again isn’t it?” he asked fearfully.

She nodded solemnly “I worry that I will have no other choice,”

“There is always a choice,” he told her in hushed tones “Nothing is so bleak that death is your only option,”

“It is when the alternative will ruin everyone I love and then I will find myself truly alone,”

“I will not let that happen Elizabeth,” he replied, “I will help you,”

She looked at him surprised “You…will help me?” she questioned. He nodded. “But how?” she added.

“I’m not sure just yet, but I will keep your secret,”

“But you said that you couldn’t keep something like this from your cousin,”

“It will be difficult, and I would rather not have to,” he answered with a sigh “But….if my doing so keeps you safe then I will. Having your death on my conscience would likely cause my own,”

“Thank you,” Lizzy choked back a sob “You don’t know how much of a relief that is to me,” Handing Lizzy his handkerchief, the colonel watched her wipe away her tears. “You should go before you are found here,”

“That may solve the problem altogether,” 

“How so?” Lizzy questioned, tilting her head to the side looking at him inquisitively. 

“If we are caught together then they would certainly make us marry. As far as the world is concerned your child would be legitimate,”

She smiled at him sadly. He really was a dear, sweet man, any woman would be lucky to call him husband, but alas that would not be her.

“Colonel,” she began placing her hand upon his “You really are a wonder,” she smiled “But that idea would never work, it would more than likely make things harder,”

“Granted family Christmases would be awkward,” he flashed her a cheeky smile and she rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t mean that” she chuckled “I meant that a marriage barely works when both parties are in love with other people,”

“I…I,” he stuttered blushing.

“I’m not blind, I see the way you look at her,” she smiled “It’s like time has stood still and she is all that you see before you. It’s quite beautiful,”

“I thought I hid it quite well actually,” he cleared his throat feeling awkward suddenly “It’s redundant anyhow. I very much doubt my feelings are reciprocate,”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” she replied, “There may be hope for you yet,”

“Elizabeth Bennet matchmaker,” he laughed “You sound like my younger sister,”

“I always wanted a big brother,” 

“Then from now on you shall have one, but I really must go. We will speak more tomorrow,”

The colonel slipped out of Elizabeth’s room quietly, looking for signs of anyone being present in the hallway. Satisfied that he was alone, he ventured back to his room in the darkness not noticing Darcy’s dark eyes piercing into his back as he stepped out from the shadows.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

The morning came quicker than Elizabeth had hoped, and she knew that she would soon have to face the occupant’s downstairs. She had had a fitful night’s rest, waking often, before slowly drifting back off to sleep and then waking only to repeat the process all over again. She was beginning to feel like she was on a loop. She had replayed last night’s events through her dreams, and she had woken up gasping for air as she felt the water fill her lungs. 

The sobering reality of almost taking her own life yesterday evening made her feel overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotions. She had nearly died! If the Colonel had not pulled her from the water, then this morning instead of waking in this beautiful room, she would be stretched out cold somewhere with her mother and sisters laying her out.

The thought made her shudder. She did not want to die; she just did not want to live like this anymore. Opening her eyes, she hissed at the bright light filling the room. The fire had long died out and only soot and embers were left in its place. 

She heard a gentle knock on the door and as it opened, she saw a petite figure gingerly venture in.

“Georgiana,” Elizabeth greeted her sitting up against the pillows “How lovely it is to see you,”

“Apologies for the intrusion Miss Bennet,” Georgiana began looking at her nervously “I heard that you were unwell, and I wanted to enquire on how you were feeling,”

Smiling brightly at the younger woman, Lizzy patted the edge of the bed “Please sit,”

Georgiana looked surprised but obeyed her request “I was unsure whether you would want to see me Miss Bennet,” she looked at her uncomfortably “After the way things ended between my brother and yourself, I thought that I would be one of the last people you would ever want to see,”

Lizzy smiled at her sadly. How could such a sweet girl be the catalyst for her own heartache? No, Elizabeth needed to think of her as an innocent who had been taken advantage of. The fact that she was impressionable and kind natured had led to her situation with Wickham. Her own circumstances with Fitzwilliam were quite different. She knew Fitzwilliam would do anything to protect his sister as he believed that he had failed her in Ramsgate. Elizabeth would admit that she was angry that his unfounded guilt had driven him to put her last, just to ensure his sister would not be shunned by their aunt and subsequently the ton. This snub would most assuredly damage her chances of a successful match. But had he not done that to Elizabeth herself by rejecting her? Sighing she knew she needed to put such thoughts out of her mind. However, it was proving difficult with the knowledge that he was downstairs.

“This is not your fault Miss Darcy,” Elizabeth told her, shaking herself out of her thoughts “My relationship with your brother does not have to affect ours,”

“Really?” Georgiana questioned, smiling hopefully “Fitzwilliam did not divulge the particulars and I did not dare ask him,”

Lizzy smiled sadly “You are probably best off being kept in the dark,” Gently sighing, she fidgeted with the blanket in front of her “There are just some things you are best off not knowing,”

Georgiana nodded sadly “But he has been so worried about you,” she admitted “I saw his face when you were carried in from the gardens. He was terrified,”

Lizzy scoffed “I’m sure he was,”

“No really,” Georgiana assured “He has not slept. He keeps grilling Richard about what happened last night,”

“What!” she sounded alarmed and Lizzy was sure Georgiana noticed, but before the young girl could question her reaction there was another knock at the door.

“Lizzy,” Jane’s sweet voice called, “May I come in?”

Dear sweet Jane, how Lizzy longed to tell her all that had transpired. She needed her older sister and felt an immense amount of guilt that she could not confide in her. They had never kept secrets from each other and for the first time Elizabeth felt truly alone.

“How are you feeling?” her sister asked concerned as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Better,” Lizzy reassured her “I am sorry that I have caused so much trouble,”. Lizzy lowered her head in shame.

“Lizzy no,” Jane began.

Reading the room Georgiana bid both sisters good day and quietly slipped away. 

“What happened last night Lizzy?” Jane asked concerned.

Lizzy blanched; she would have to lie to Jane. It was a necessary evil, but it made her feel sick to her stomach.

“I slipped on the embankment,” Lizzy fibbed, “I had too much to drink and the water was too strong,”

“Oh Lizzy,” Jane cried “I am so relieved that you are alright. Thank heavens the Colonel found you in time,”

Lizzy smiled “Yes he really was my saviour,”

“Do you feel well enough to come down to break your fast?” Jane asked, “I know it is not ideal, but you can borrow one of my dresses,”

“No please,” Lizzy begged, fearing coursing through her, “I cannot face him Jane,”

“Oh Lizzy,” her sweet natured sister gasped realisation dawning “Forgive me, I did not think,”

“I’m sorry Jane, I ruin everything,” 

The dejection in her voice broke Jane’s heart. She could not bear to see her most beloved sister in such turmoil. Jane was of the sweetest constitution but in this moment even her gift of forgiveness was being heavily tested. One of the former eldest Miss Bennet’s greatest virtues was the ability to absolve anyone of their sins and forgive anything. However, the poor treatment of her sister by Mr Darcy was proving harder to forgive. 

“That is not true Lizzy,” She took Lizzy’s hands in hers and gave them a gently squeeze in comfort “You give joy to all that know you,”

Elizabeth gave her a dubious look “I think not dearest Jane. I have caused our family such heartache these past few months,”

“Lizzy the only heart ache I am concerned about is yours,” Jane sighed “Our family will fare well enough once the dust settles, it is you I worry about,”

“I’m fine,” Elizabeth answered far too quickly.

“It is I you are speaking to Lizzy,” Jane reminded her “You can talk to me about anything,” 

Lizzy forced a smile, but it did not reach her eyes. How she wished that to be true. There had been a time when she would have told Jane anything. But she felt ashamed of her conduct, frightened of it in fact. Yes, she was impulsive, yes sometimes she did not always think before she spoke, but her behaviour that had led to her current predicament had surprised even herself. 

And now she was paying the price for it! 

“Jane, forgive me but I really would like to go home,” Lizzy confessed “Being here…,”

“…with Mr Darcy just down the hall,” Jane finished knowingly “Too painful is it not?”

“Yes, it is,” Elizabeth nodded “I cannot face him, especially with certain other occupants in the room,”

Jane looked at her questioningly “Whomever do you mean Lizzy?”

“Oh Jane,” Lizzy shook her head “Even you with your purest temperament must have seen the elation that has not left Miss Bingley’s face since her discovery that Mr Darcy and I are no longer engaged,”

“Lizzy no,” Jane began “Surely even Caroline could not be so…”

“Vindictive,” Lizzy interjected.

“Lizzy,”

“Please Jane, I would prefer to slip away quietly without fuss,”

“I shall have Lucy bring you up a tray,” Smiling Jane rose “Once you are fed and dressed, I will request the carriage to take you home,”

“Thank you, Jane,” Lizzy smiled sadly “Please apologise to my new brother, I just cannot face anyone at this time,”

“Of course,” she nodded before leaving Lizzy alone with her thoughts.

She felt like a coward, he had done that to her. Six months ago, Elizabeth Bennet’s courage would have risen at any attempt to intimidate her. But now after all that had happened, she had no more fight left in her. Previously she would have faced Caroline Bingley with her head held high, a witty remark at the ready and smug satisfaction that she had outsmarted the vapid creature. Now she no longer has the energy or the inclination to spar with those who thought themselves something special. She had so many more important things to worry about. The first was currently residing in her stomach. She felt a fluttering, the child quite clearly aware that he or she was being thought of at that moment. 

Placing her hand gently upon her stomach protectively, her eyes filled with tears. She was filled with a wave of emotion that was so intense that she could hardly breathe. A another knock at the door saw Lucy bring her tray. She picked at what was in front of her, but she could not face food. Setting it aside she pulled the bell and began to quickly dress. 

“Please call for the carriage Lucy,” Lizzy requested “I wish to return home,”

“But Miss…” Lucy curtsied as she came into the room “…is that wise?”

“Yes Lucy,” she answered pinning up the last strands of her hair, “Please tell Mrs Bingley that I am ready to leave,”

“Very good miss,” Lucy curtsied before turning, “Forgive me Sir, I did not see you there,” 

With her back to the door Lizzy closed her eyes. She had known who it was without even turning. He had a presence that overpowered her. All her senses felt like they were on high alert and whenever she was near him she could not think.

“Can I help you Mr Darcy?” her voice was clipped, and she kept her back to him, out of fear that if she faced him, she would crumble. 

“Elizabeth…I” he stood unable to meet her eyes, “I... I just…erm,” he began rubbing his neck nervously.

“Lost for words,” Lizzy asked surprised turning towards the tall gentleman standing in the doorway looking awkward, “That is very unlike you Mr Darcy. You are a gentleman who seems to have an opinion and an answer for everything. I am surprised that in this case you are unable to form a coherent sentence,”

She had built a wall back up around her heart and as he gazed at her stony expression, he was reminded of a time when she had made her dislike of him well know. 

“If you had behaved in a more gentleman like manner,”

How those words had stung him. He had always thought himself a gentleman. Prided himself on it in fact. Now however he knew he was anything but, he was a rake, a rascal, anything but a gentleman. She had given him the greatest gift she could, her virtue. And he had thrown the sentiment away. He knew he should have stayed away; he knew he was torturing them both by being here. But he had to see for himself that she had not suffered any hurt from yesterday evening’s events.

“I needed to make sure that you were well,” he answered “The image of you being carried through the house soaking wet and in distress will not leave me. It has kept me awake all night,”

Elizabeth’s eyes met his and she observed how he had seemed to have aged in the few months that they had been apart. There were dark circled under his now bloodshot eyes and his skin was grey. It was quite clear that he had not been taking care of himself and probably had not slept properly in many weeks.

She scolded herself for feeling sorry for him. Her fine eyes that had softened at his dishevelled appearance had now again hardened. 

“Mr Darcy,” she began firmly “I have long been desiring your absence,”

Her words surprised him. They were familiar to him, yet he could not quite place them.

“I would like to ready myself for the carriage. I will be returning to Longbourn shortly,”

“Is that wise?” he asked, “You nearly drowned yesterday evening,”

Shaking her head angrily “Since when has my welfare been a concern of yours?”

“Elizabeth…”

“Mr Darcy please leave this chamber,” she raised her voice “If you are found here you will ruin me further,”

“Is there a problem?” the voice from behind Darcy asked. 

“No Colonel, your cousin was just leaving,”

Darcy noted the warm smile that appeared upon Elizabeth’s face at the presence of Richard and felt a pang of jealously run through him. He knew he had no right to feel this way, but it did nothing to stop the resentment he felt rising for his cousin.

“I have come to enquire upon your health Miss Bennet,” Richard asked concerned, looking between Darcy and Elizabeth he noticed the air thick with tension.

“I am feeling a little better,” Elizabeth answered, “I must thank you Colonel. If you had not been in the vicinity I would not be here now,”

“You are most welcome Miss Bennet,” the Colonel responded warmly.

Elizabeth had thanked him the night before in this very chamber, but as Darcy was unaware of the particulars of yesterday evening a pretence needed to stay in place. 

“Have I interrupted something?” The Colonel enquired.

“Not at all,” Elizabeth plastered on the biggest smile she could muster, “Mr Darcy was just leaving,” 

Darcy felt crushed! But he hid it well enough behind his stony expression. Bowing politely, he headed towards the door but stopped to give her a longing look. It made her heart leap into her throat and for a moment she was looking at ‘her Will’, not the man who had so cruelly broken her heart.

“Are you coming Richard?” Darcy asked pointedly, breaking Elizabeth from her musings.

“Yes of course,” the Colonel answered giving his cousin a courteous smile. A look was exchanged between the couple standing further into the room. It was brief and their composure returned almost instantly, but not before Darcy noticed. He felt uneasy, like he was intruding on an unspoken conversation even though the Colonel had been the one who had entered the chamber last.

**********

The next opportunity for the Colonel to talk with Elizabeth came a couple of days later. His cousin Darcy had left for Pemberley early this morning with Georgiana, leaving Richard free to ride to Longbourn long enough to speak to Elizabeth before heading back to his regiment. His stay had been extended in Hertfordshire longer than he had expected and he was now sure that he had most definitely outstayed his welcome at Netherfield. He had planned to visit Elizabeth before now, but Darcy had been watching him like a hawk. 

He had much affection for his cousin, that in truth whom he saw more as a brother than his own but having him act as a second shadow was quickly becoming tiresome. Wherever he was on the estate Darcy seemed to be there with him. At first, he thought that maybe he was overacting, and that Darcy just did not want to be left alone with Caroline Bingley. Since news of his broken engagement had reached her, Miss Bingley had tried upping her game and never seemed to leave the Master of Pemberley alone. But even when Caroline was not present in the house, Darcy seeked out his company. He was sure that at one point Darcy almost followed him to the necessary, only realising Richard’s destination in the nick of time. Rather embarrassed Darcy sulked off and was brooding effortlessly in the corner of the with-drawing room when the Colonel re-appeared. It was quite clear to Richard that his cousin’s mind was working in overdrive – trying to analyse whatever thoughts he had in relation to Miss Bennet and now it seemed Richard himself. Darcy’s jealous streak amused him greatly and he would bet his commission that his cousin believed that there was some sort of romantic entanglement between him and Elizabeth.

She had been pleased when he was announced just after breakfast. He noticed a look of relief wash over her when he entered the room. Elizabeth had been keen to walk the gardens with him and practically had to fight her mother and younger sisters off as they fought for his attentions. Her mother spoke in raptures on how grateful she was to the brave Colonel for risking his life for their dear Lizzy. Elizabeth could have cringed; her mother was giggling like an adolescent girl. Finally, the Colonel and Elizabeth managed to give her the slip. Fanny Bennet was so enthralled with the young man that she quickly granted his request to escort her daughter on a turn around the gardens in search of some air. 

“I was beginning to think that I would never be able to free you from my mother’s clutches,” Lizzy laughed.

The Colonel smirked, enjoying the sight of playful amusement upon her face. After what transpired yesterday, he was sure he would never see her laugh again. “Your mother is….an interesting character,”

“Ha!” Elizabeth sniggered “That is a very diplomatic description Colonel,”

“Richard,” he corrected her “We are very much past formalities do you not think?”

“I suppose so,” she smiled. He led her towards the pretty little wilderness in the far corner of the main gardens. This had once been the location of her showdown with the formidable Lady Catherine. She felt bile rise in her throat as she thought of the heartache that vile selfish woman had caused. They walked over to a small stone bench in one of the corners and sat down.

“I would have come sooner Elizabeth,” he began turning his body towards her “But unfortunately I could not find an opportunity to get away before now. My cousin has not left my side since the morning you left,”

“Do not trouble yourself Richard,” she answered softly “I am grateful for all your help,”

“I have to admit that your troubles have made me restless,” he admitted sadly “I have been considering your options, which to be honest with you are limited,”

Elizabeth looked down at her lap and nodded sadly “It is hopeless I know,” raising her head she looked at him with unshed tears.

He reached for her hand and a took it “I said limited, not hopeless,” he gave her a reassuring smile before continuing. “As I see it,” he cleared his throat “If you are adamant that you are keeping the child a secret,” he looked at her for confirmation - which she gave him with a tentative nod of the head. “There really is only one other option,”

Ten minutes later Elizabeth’s mind was reeling at the enormously of the plan that the Colonel had laid out before her. He made it sound so simple, yet so complicated at the same time. “If you feel that you cannot go through with-it Elizabeth, I beg that you tell Darcy the truth,”

“No!” Elizabeth answered abruptly. She sighed, accepting that she was limited on choices. “It is something that must be done, but I never knew such a thing existed,”

“As shocking as it seems, it is more common than you think,” he reassured her “It’s just that it in polite society it is not acknowledge,”

“But who would take another woman’s babe, another woman’s bastard more importantly,” she reminded him plainly. 

“A gentlewoman’s babe,” he corrected her “Look, you will not find this type of arrangement advertised in the Times but…” he gave her a cheeky look “There are those among the gentry who have had the unfortunate misfortune to have a large estate and no heir to leave it to,”. 

Lizzy rolled her eyes, although his statement dripped with sarcasm, she knew that he was speaking an unpublicised truth.

“With all seriousness though this may be a way out of this mess,” he continued making his point. “A gentleman with a large fortune and standing in society would not want the Ton to think that their wife was barren and that they would have to leave their estate to a distant cousin,”

“But how would we know where to start Richard?” 

“My mother would know of someone,” 

“What?” Lizzy asked startled “No! Your mother can never know,”

“Lizzy, it will be fine,” he soothed “I will not disclose any details, she will most likely think I have gotten some pretty young thing in trouble,” he teased.

“I cannot have her think that of you,” she whispered, a wave of guilt washing over her. 

“Do not trouble yourself Elizabeth,” he smiled softly “I am her darling boy. If I tell her it has nothing to do with myself, she will believe me,”

Elizabeth threw him a questionable look before rising. She moved forward a couple of steps before abruptly turning. Richard noticed that she was pensive. Her right palm was coving the lower part of her face as she began to pace. “Let us just say that we manage to find a couple who will happily take my babe and pretend that it is theirs,” she surmised “How exactly will I go through this pregnancy and then my confinement without notice?” 

“I live in a small community, with even smaller minded people,” she continued “Mama and Papa will be the first to notice as my body changes and I could not bear for them to think ill of me,” 

Fighting back tears that had begun to sting her eyes she was positive that she looked as miserable as she felt. However, Richard just saw a frightened and vulnerable young woman who at this moment looked both too young and too old for her years. At one and twenty the vulnerability upon her countenance made him feel fiercely protective of her, she reminded him of a lost child looking to him for guidance. He had seen that look before upon Georgiana’s face after the events that arose at Ramsgate with George Wickham. He had felt powerless, being unable to help her – to ease her burden. But here was someone he could help. Although still having a girlish beauty about her the weight of the world upon her shoulders had also aged Elizabeth’s youthful features. He observed the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep she had had. Her skin was pale, almost ashen from the worry. She needed someone in her corner because lord knows if anyone found out about her current situation, she would not have anyone.

“There is a solution to that,” Richard grinned looking quite pleased with himself. 

“Which is?” she motioned becoming impatient. He made looking smug quite endearing Lizzy thought. 

“Speak to your father. Tell him that you need some time away and would like to go and stay with your good friend Helena,”

“But I have no friend called Helena,” she reasoned.

“You do now,” he grinned, “I will have someone write to you posing to be this friend who was an acquaintance of Georgiana’s. The letter will be sent from this dear friend of yours begging you to come south to help relieve her boredom,”

“If your father objects, tell him how difficult you are finding being here after what has transpired, and you believe that some time away will do you some good. We will have to leave it as long as possible so that you can justify being away for several months. That will give you the time away to have the babe, recover and come home,”

“He may agree to allowing me some time away, but he would forbid me to travel alone,”

“Ah yes,” Richard sighed “That may prove problematic, I had not thought of that,”

This was hopeless! She would never find a way out of this; she was trapped no matter what she did. If she tried to leave Longbourn she would have to gain her father’s permission but travelling alone he would never give it. If she stayed, her shame would soon be discovered, and she would lose everything. If she absconded without a word, she would never be able to return and again she would lose everything. Whatever she did, she would not win.

“Then at least allow me to ask my mother for help,”

“Richard no!”

“Elizabeth, I do not see any other option,” he sighed rubbing his eyes “She will keep your secret, believe me she will not want a family scandal. You and my mother met several times, it is plausible that you might have formed an affection for each other, she liked you very much,”

“Once she finds out the truth that will quickly change,” Elizabeth muttered to herself.

“I must go now Elizabeth if I want to get back to camp at a reasonable hour,” he sighed quite clearly not wanting to leave her. “I will speak to my mother with some urgency. Please do not trouble yourself. I gave you my word that I would help you and I will,”

Taking her hand in his he brought it to his lips before taking his leave and retiring. Once he was out of view, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself in comfort.

Would sharing her secret with another so close to Mr Darcy prove disastrous? It looked like she would have to wait and find out.


End file.
